Kick: The Bhai Abides

My name is Bhai.
My name is Bhai.

Surely there must be a universe where Sheldon Cooper and Salman Khan cross paths considering how the two share a  common love for trains. One loves the way they function, whilst the other has done pretty much everything other than giving birth in, on, in front or behind one.

#YOLO.
#YOLO.

Now to the film.

Kick is a film I’d associate with the term, Bhai-ception; The art of handing out a lesson in ripping people off whilst ripping people off.

The film is standard Salman or should I say, Bhai fare. It ticks all the boxes and makes random references to his past films without an inch of shame. Those of you who know what I’m talking about should feel right at home reading the description below:

Bhai’s slow-mo entry(Arre Bhaaaaiii*whistles*)
Bhai-the family man.(Arre Bhaaaiii*What a man Bhai is*)
Heroine sets eyes on Bhai(Arre Bhaaaiii* Wolf Whistle*)
Heroine sets eyes on Bhai(Arre Bhaaaiii* Wolf Whistle*)
BhaiLove
Heroine falling in love with Bhai after being insulted multiple times(Arre Bhaaaiii*Wolf Whistle again*)

Bhai beating up goons(Arre Bhaaaaii *take all my money ,Bhaiiii*)
Bhai beating up goons(Arre Bhaaaaii *take all my money ,Bhaiiii*)

And repeat.

I know some of the pictures aren’t from the same  film, but IT’S THE SAME FORMULA AGAIN AND AGAIN.

For those that have bothered making it here after reading the last bit, I applaud you for your curiosity. You will all die painful deaths from doing something extremely foolish.

Kick stars Bhai, as Devi Lal Singh(I assure you, you won’t forget it anytime soon, considering it’s repeated incessantly and in the same tone as Power Extreme) a man who does the most random of things, just cause he gets a ‘kick’ out of it. He bumps into Shaina(Jacqueline Fernandez) whilst helping a couple elope and after a few Bhai moments, love blossoms. But things go sour and Bhai leaves Shaina, who decides to move to Poland to with her family. There she meets Randeep Hooda, who’s popped into town to catch a high profile thief known only as Devil, a masked man who steals from the rich and gives to the poor. The two open up to each other on a train ride, not once pausing to realize that may in fact be talking about the same guy. The rest is for you to go see.

The first half of the film had all the ingredients of being Bhai’s worst film to have hit the screens in recent times. However, it picks up post-interval, largely due to the introduction of Nawazuddin Siddiqui, as a psychotic nephew of a politician, who clicks his tongue menacingly and kills people with um, bubble wrap.   That, coupled with a wafer thin plot is sufficient enough for you to not walk out of the theater.

As for the acting, everyone apart from Siddiqui are merely props for what can appropriately be termed as The Bhai Show. Bhai turns his head in slow-mo, laughs mischievously, cries, fights off hordes of rogues in a way only he can. It get so ridiculous that halfway through the second half, Jacqueline Fernandez disappears without a trace, so that Bhai can be Bhai. Also be prepared for multiple facepalm moments such as :

“Yeh Kaisa Human Being Hai?

Yeh Human Being nahin, Being Human hai.”

By now it should be clear, that Bhai doesn’t make films anymore.  He knows what sells and he couldn’t give two hoots if any of his recent films made sense. His mentality is simple; Keep it as loud and as over-the-top as possible, and the audiences will lap it up without a moment’s hesitation.

However things are changing. Age is catching up with Salman and he’s finally showing it. He’s not going to be able to do this forever and he needs to reinvent himself sometime in the near future to remain relevant. His films are perilously close to leaving the audiences saturated, if they aren’t already. But then again it is Bhai we’re talking about. As he puts it towards the end of the film, “Don’t try and understand me using your head, but do so with your heart.”

Wait, what?

P.S: Readers do note: Only Salman ages. Bhai is immortal.

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